9.5 months later I finally decided to write something I can post on here. A lot has changed: A year completed at UNO, into my second year at my job, more drinking, nearing my 21st birthday, and having a lot of interesting emotional feelings, but still single.
Let’s start off with the easy topics that aren’t bothering me. UNO is going great, working on my bachelors in math with an actuarial emphasis that I should be able to graduate from after Fall 2010. Classes are going well, should have another semester above a 3.5 GPA if my finals went as well as I think they did. Things are difficult sometimes, but I am managing. Work is going well too, although my schedule is about to change a lot so that will be interesting to see what happens, all I know is I will have Tuesday/Thursday off due to my class schedule for the fall. Working full time and going to school full time can be hard. I party hard about once a week, and it came from this idea made this semester by myself and a friend of beer pong Thursdays. Great idea, it has a good friend base right now and we are all really chill with it.
But now onto bigger and better topics that concern me. My 21st birthday is less than two months away. I have been waiting for this day for a long time, I would say since I was a five year old. It is heightened by the fact that I have picked up drinking since college and that is also a big deal now. But the primary reason for my excitement is the fact that I can legally gamble, specifically play poker. I have been hooked on it since I was introduced as a kid, and love it to death. Right now I’m starting to get really into poker theory and actually reading a lot about becoming a better player. I’m doing this in hopes of turning 21 and actually trying to go somewhere with my knowledge. I plan on being outside of a casino in town that has a poker room at midnight of my 21st just to get to play as quick as possible. It all started when my parents and grandmother taught me how to play, and I would frequently sit in on games with their friends and tear it up. Now since texas hold ‘em took off in popularity I have gotten a lot of opportunities to play in games with friends. I have done well in these, but they obviously aren’t anything like playing with guys at a casino, so I am trying to get better before then. I always told myself if I ever became famous for anything in my life, it would be this, and I’m actually kinda optimistic about it. I just have to remember to control myself bankroll wise once I hit 21.
My emotions have been really up and down lately, and I finally decided that it was mostly stress related, so I’ve been working on that. It’s going pretty well actually, I’m around 2 weeks in, and I feel happyish for the first time in a while (stress has really been killing me).
But let’s get down to why I am primarily writing this tonight. The fact that I am still single, and things surrounding it. Well, I’ve been doing just ok on my outgoingness, although I do have a lot more friends now so I that regard I am succeeding. But what I seem to keep asking myself is what am I really looking for right now? What I recently decided is that I would be ok with a casual or serious relationship with someone, it would just have different requirements of the person depending on which route we go. I know that what I really want is to meet a great girl and be in a serious relationship with them. The fact is though I am so busy with life that they would have to be really flexible with me and I feel like I am very inflexible right now with my life. So what it comes down to is a casual relationship would work better for me, that way I don’t feel like they are obligated to try really hard, I don’t feel obligated to try really hard and sacrifice a lot, and it’s ok. I could really use someone that’s just there for me sometimes at night, I am very self-sufficient, but even I need a shoulder every now and again. I also feel like during this drought I have been really submissive towards the idea of dating and actually excluding people too much based on their looks. I feel like before I dismiss someone altogether I should try to get to know them, and I think realizing this will actually help me out a lot in this area. I guess I will see how that goes for me.
That’s all for now, hopefully I will do this again sometime soon.
We are the sound,
Alexander
